What about pain?


“That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt” (The Fault in Our Stars, John Green). With this not so happy opening line, I’ll tell you about how I see pain. This is not a sad post. My marriage is good, my life is lovely and no, I’m not depressed (well, not quite, I just saw the price of a Saint Laurent bag that I really want and may have weeped a little).

Feelings are a funny thing. I was talking to one of my friends about it and she brought up one thing that I have always thought was a quirk of mine. I always have a “sad day”. A day when I’m not feeling great – I’m sad because I want to be, without any particular reason (Some people blame it on hormones, but I refuse to believe that). It’s a day to be crying, watching sad movies, listening to brokenhearted singers, being sad because I want to! It usually doesn’t mean anything but, what is it about pain that makes us so afraid?


Pain is not something that you can ignore. It demands to be felt, maybe migraines (and trust me, I’m an expert with those) or tears filled with sadness or anguish, or it might be physical or emotional. You can disguise melancholy, happiness or even love, but pain needs to be liberated because if it’s not, it can take over you and you might eventually explode. That’s why I completely understand my need of having a sad day, because it can get too complicated when you swallow the need to be sad.

Sadness and pain reflect in your style choices. When you’re having a bad day you don’t wear your favorite clothes, you tend to use darker colors and care a little less about the way you look. In my case, I try to wear my chicest outfit that day, I’m sad not delusional. 

My thing with feelings is this, maybe I’m a little bit dramatic (ask my husband, he’d agree with that statement) but drama and pain often walk together holding hands; asking to be noticed. My problem is that when I’m sad I need to feel the saddest I’ve ever been; I need to be blue as the french horn of How I Met Your Mother, because to me, that’s the only way to feel happy at its best, to love and be loved, to feel. I’d rather allow myself be miserable for one day in order to appreciate love and joy to the fullest.


So, my only advice is this, pain is a side effect of being alive just like all feelings. So if you’re sad, feel it, don’t fight it. Give yourself permission to be sad one day then, appreciate the fact that you have the rest of the month to be annoyingly joyful (and dress accordingly).


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